Are you an emotionally intelligent leader?
I attended a fantastic webinar recently about why it’s important for leaders now more than ever to be emotionally intelligent.
The last few years have brought about an enormous amount of change and uncertainty for us all. And as part of that, there has been a shift in how leadership responds, not only to situations at work, but to how those situations impact an employee’s home life.
It is no longer ok not to care. The world of work has changed.
Of course, I know there are plenty of organisations where leadership continues not to care, and that isn’t going to change overnight.
But for those that want to change, and respond more appropriately with more ‘emotional intelligence’, how do you actually do that?
First let’s define emotional intelligence. Psychology Today says:
‘Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. ‘
So first off: ‘the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions’
I can’t help but go back to our childhood on this point. A lot of us were brought up in the era of emotions being dismissed. Displays of anger or sadness were seen as socially unacceptable, and probably got you sent to your room, out of the classroom, or told to ‘calm down’ - without being told what the emotion was or how to deal with it. And this isn’t the fault of anyone – it is just how society was. But it does mean there are a lot of adults out there who don’t know how to manage the emotions they feel. And if you can’t identify or manage your own emotions, you can’t help someone else with theirs. Which brings me to…
Secondly: ‘the ability to identify and manage….the emotions of others’
You can only do this effectively if you have mastered the first point, or are at least are aware you need to master the first point. The really good news is that EQ is not like IQ. It is not set in stone. You can change you EQ and improve it.
Another really important point on this is, understanding and appreciating that we are all different. We all feel, learn, and act in different ways, and that is ok. Some people thrive working alone, and some thrive as part of a team. Knowing how to identify and manage how people (and ourselves) work best is what’s important.
So, how can you improve your EQ and be more emotionally intelligent:
1. Educate yourself.
The more self-aware you are, the higher your emotional intelligence will be. This can be done in a variety of ways. You can talk about your emotions (shock, horror!). You can practice mindfulness. You can learn about yourself – personality profiling is a really valuable tool in learning about yourself and the impact that your personality may have, on how you react to situations and people. There are also EQ tools that measure your EQ and allow you to see the areas that need some focus.
2. Ask for and listen to feedback.
Being open to others’ perspectives and opinions encourages you to both self-reflect, and take responsibility for your actions. You can use a simple 360 tool or make it even more informal, but to improve your leadership capability you need feedback.
3. Understand your team.
I work with organisations of all sizes, and some know their team really well, while others only know them on a surface, work-related level. You don’t need to be best friends, but you do need to care and understand how someone likes to work, what motivates them, how they respond best to feedback, and what they don’t like. A really easy way to do that is using a personality profiling tool such as DISC or even a free one like 16Personalities. These are really quick to do, and the feedback session (with a trained provider) can open up a new way of understanding each other.
3. Active listening.
Active listening is one of those buzz words that doesn’t really give much away. But to active listen is to listen by repeating back and summarising what someone has said, by asking questions, by demonstrating your understanding, and by empathising. It’s a really useful tool and there are loads of tips out there on how to do it.
4. Be patient.
This applies to all of the above. You can’t learn emotional intelligence in a day. You can’t understand your team really quickly, and you can’t suddenly become an expert active listener. But it also applies to your interaction with people. Be patient. Let someone talk without interrupting and you will hear so much more. It’s ok to pause for thought, and it’s ok not to respond immediately.
If you'd like support developing emotionally intelligent leadership across your business, whether that's coaching your managers or building better feedback habits into your culture, a Fractional HR Director can help. Get in touch and let's talk.
Additional resources
Using DISC to improve recruitment, development, and engagement — Colliver Consulting Ltd